Sunday, April 29, 2012

Irrational Fears

Entomophobia - fear of insects

People who don't have irrational fears don't understand people who do. I'm so sick of hearing, "It's just a bug," "Get over it," and the like. I'm working on it, but it's the hardest thing I have ever had to overcome and it's gonna take a lot of time and willpower.

For some of the most horrifying insects (June bugs and other beetles, caterpillars, and centipedes are at the top of my list) I can't even look at a picture of them without feeling a horrible rush of fear, anxiety and panic. The picture gets embedded in my brain and my brain likes to pull it up at the worst timesSome, like spiders, wasps, butterflies and moths don't bother me unless they are touching me or close enough to me that they easily could. Flies are okay in the summer, because they are quick. In the winter, however, they are stupid and clumsy and if they hit you they stay there and buzz. I can't stand the sound of them either. I had to disable images in my browser to Google "fear of insects" to get the scientific name for it.

It's hard to describe to someone who isn't terrified of an everyday object. Here's an example that might help;
One of the worst incidents  was when a June bug got into my house on the laundry my mom brought in. Of course, I'm shaking and panicking and crying and frantically screaming at my parents to get rid of it. At the same time, inside my head all I can think of is to get somewhere safe. And once they've gotten into your house, you don't feel safe anywhere. But my room seems like the best option so I go there and sit in a corner (after thoroughly inspecting it). I sat there for a long time, my eyes darting around the room. The June bugs outside keep hitting my window because there's light, and every time I hear a thud-buzzle there's another wave of absolute horror and panic. Needless to say, I didn't get to sleep for hours, because I didn't feel safe.

There's a lingering after fear where its all you can think about and you think they're everywhere. Around you, on you. All the worst paranoid thoughts come out and you can't stop thinking about what could  happen.

I remember when I was a kid and I would lay in bed and the images would flow in and I couldn't stop it. Is try to get my mind off of it but I was too weak. So I'd open my eyes and look into the darkness and imagine this big, drooling, growling dog, ready to grab my throat with it's massive jaws. Then I got scared of the dog but it was an okay kind of fear compared to the panic and horror before.
I still use that trick sometimes if I have to, but I'm a bit better at controlling my mind now.

Anyways, I hope that helps people without irrational fears understand a bit better, and I hope people with irrational fears can relate.

Someday, I will get over this. I am making progress, it's just slow and painful.

Also, I'm working a post with tips on how to control irrational fears (phobias), specifically fear of insects, so please check back later for  that.
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  1. My Mum is the same with snakes. Fortunately for her there aren't many around here.

    Great blog!

  2. Gah, I just had a horrid dream about spiders. Big, massive bodied ones, and oddly enough, you were the only one with the courage to kill them. I just cowered in fear xD